OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
