does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
