It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
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all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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