So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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