Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
