fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
