$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I've blown a few things in my day
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
