ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
