There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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