i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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