plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
