New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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