I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
