shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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