What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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