I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
