The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
