you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i drank out of a bidet.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
