She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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