Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
