I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Randomize
