So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am one with the molecules
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
