You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
