ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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