How'd it feel making her break her religion?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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