me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
