I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
