There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
