Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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