I wish I could teleport
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
