Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
