ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
