so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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