if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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