He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
