Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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