I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
