guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
