you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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