and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
