Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
