he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
