dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's Friday. Sex?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
