considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
