bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
