glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
