Your tits are I can't wait for
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
