I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
