wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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