I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize