we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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