I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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