you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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