Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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