i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
