I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
