listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This baby is an asshole
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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