I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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