no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
