you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
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who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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