Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
