I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
