went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
