dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
