When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
